Her Goddess
by Nana-Pyon
Summary: "Her name is Luka, she's two years older than me, she has a boyfriend and... She's the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." This was all Miku knew about Luka. Yet, this feeling she feels may be love? One hour a day, not necessarily guaranteed, hardly speaking, not even knowing each other. She's not particularly outstanding-yet, to Miku, she's dazzling .Yuri. R
1. Chapter 1

**Her Goddess**

**[LukaMiku]**

**{Disclaimer; I do not own Vocaloid}**

xxx

It's not like I like her or anything.

It's just that…

She's kind of dazzling.

xxx

I like this girl.

How does that work?

I'm not quite sure.

My friends all like guys. It bothers me sometimes. It's all they seem to talk about. They always migrated towards them, smiling coyly and laughing nervously while I stood awkwardly in the background. It didn't really matter though because I was used to it. While I wondered why they were so obsessed, I found myself searching for the one who could make my heart race, make me wish to diet, change my hair, pretty myself up or become more beautiful. It didn't happen. I have held several guy's hands. The girls who say they've felt electric currents running through their bodies were liars. When I held his hand, all I felt was clammy, sweaty, dirty, masculine hands of a course, rough male.

While I felt resentful towards my friends for dumping me for a guy, I remember passing by her. In that instant, I stopped half-step and spun around. Only the cutest girls could look beautiful in short hair. That was what I always thought and she portrayed that perfectly. She passed by calmly with a indifferent expression on her porcelain face, heading towards the table where her older friends sat. I found myself staring at her gorgeous build, slender legs, flawless skin but most of all, her fluttering eyes.

"She's really pretty isn't she?" Miki comments, instantly dragging me back to reality.

"Yeah." I manage to reply coolly.

"She's apparently in Gumi's class." She adds, twisting a lock of her bright coloured hair between her fingers. The conversation ended there.

Later, I asked Miki more about this girl whom I only saw during breaks. We often sat across from their table, and often boys sat with her to learn English. She was really good at that. Besides that, she laughed and spoke to her friends in a hushed tone. The yard was always too loud, nothing could be heard. I found myself wondering what her voice sounded like. Melodic? Calming? Alto? Soprano? Feminine? Smooth?

I wondered what she was speaking about, family? Friends? Love?

I wondered what she was laughing about, jokes? Puns? Stupidity?

Would I be able to make her laugh like that?

Will I be able to give her more than anyone else can?

Is it even possible to like someone like this?

All I knew about this girl, my goddess, was that she is two years older than me. She didn't stand out very much, so I wonder what attracted me to her. She was different from those other girls seeking popularity, attention and love. She was in fact quite the opposite, quiet, not loud or obnoxious- but most of all, content with what she had and smiled genuinely, happily for the sake of smiling- not fooling someone. Unlike many other girls who spend hours prettying themselves up, she didn't. Even though she didn't, I found myself a prisoner of her beauty. Why? I wish I knew.

And her name was Luka.

She wasn't athletic nor was she the most intelligent student, popular or outstanding through the eyes of an ordinary girl. But to me, she was dazzling. I think it was the passive confidence, the knowing confidence she did not have to flaunt. I knew that she did Art. Not that I've ever seen her in the Art Wing, or even more, in an Art Classroom. I doubt she's in any clubs, considering she'd be studying for exams soon and graduating. But I can imagine her in an Art classroom, it suited her aura perfectly.

This beautiful girl sitting on a wooden stool, a large sketchbook rested on her knees and a mechanical pencil in her hand whilst she drew intensely. The sound of the led scratching across the surface of the thin paper in the silence of the classroom of concentrating students. Those captivating eyes focused on her piece of art whilst her spare hand brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ears… Those large windows allowing natural light and the azure coloured sky with pale clouds that blended into the background, the sound of the terribly old clock ticking as she drew silently…

I sighed. Miki glances at me with genuine concern. "You okay?"

I nod.

She already has a boyfriend though. What was I hoping? No one could miss a girl like her. He attends another school though. Rumour has it that he'll transfer here next year. I hope that doesn't happen. They met during language school, since he also moved to Japan recently. Luka's Japanese is really good though, or according to those who have spoken to her.

Why don't I want him to come?

I don't know.

Maybe I will get angry and frustrated.

Or disappointed knowing I have no chance of competing with him.

I wanted to tell my friends they had it easy. They could pour out their problems on me but I could never do that to them. Firstly, they were all in the same grade- isn't that convenient? They are also in the same home group, some even have lessons together, others know each other through a mutual friend- so talking to each other is normal, others have even gotten a step further, knowing this person's e-mail, phone number, they talk online… They still had time.

But me? I have none of that. I just knew that this beautiful girl was called Luka, she's here on exchange, she's two years older than me and she has a Chinese boyfriend.

I have no time. Within a year or two, she would have graduated, maybe moved back to her country for university, get married, settle down and live a quiet, conservative life. I would never see her again. I don't know her hobbies, her interests, her taste in music, her thoughts on life... I don't know her fashion sense, her favourite food, her favourite colour, favourite movie or anything of the sort. I don't know her personality well enough, I don't even know what her voice sounds like, I don't know how beautiful she actually is up-close, what she finds funny, what type of people she likes, her weird quirks, her secrets...

All I have is less than one hour a day, sometimes not even guaranteed, to see this girl who doesn't even know of my existence laughing from afar with her circle of close-knit friends. If only I was born two years earlier, then maybe I would have a chance.

What exactly is falling in love?  
Since I've met her, I've looked at myself.  
Do I want to be with her? Or do I wish to become her?

I don't think this feeling is love.  
Perhaps obsession.  
Or the wanting, desiring of something you can't have.

My heart doesn't beat fast when I see her. My throat doesn't go dry. I don't get butterflies in my tummy. So what is this?

I often joked around with Miki,  
"Say, if I was a guy, taller than her boyfriend, darker than her boyfriend and heaps sexier she'd go out with me right?"  
She'd laugh and shake me in a playful way, "Go get a sex-change then!"  
I'd growl frustrated, "But I like my boobs, plus I'm comfortable in my body and I don't wanna be a guy."

That's right.

If I was a guy, it would work out okay.

But I'm not.

What am I searching for? Who am I? What am I? Why do I feel this way?  
If only I woke up one day sure of myself, so that nothing could make my heart waver.

I don't know what love is.

All I know is that…  
Looking at her, I see the mistakes in myself. I wish to become stronger so that she could depend on me.  
She makes me wish to be a better person.  
A better person so maybe one day,  
She'll turn around and notice me,  
and maybe smile at me,  
and maybe we could…  
Be together.

But the thing is, I have never spoken a single word to her.

xxx

A/N; Hey guys~ I know this is a really weird update since I didn't put this anywhere. I suddenly felt like writing LOL. This is sort-of based on a real story. Hahaha~ I wish I had the guts. Urp. Sorry about all the shitty grammatical errors. If you find any fix up for me in the reviews? It's 'pree late and I'm really tired today. Sorry. I just felt like uploading. R&R if you have time~


	2. Summer Vacation

**Her Goddess**

**[LukaMiku]**

**{Disclaimer; I do not own Vocaloid}**

xxx

**Chapter 2: Summer Vacation**

xxx

Before I knew it, we were on summer vacation and I had made **_no _**progress whatsoever. This hurt a bit because I knew she would probably be with her boyfriend. Miki had given me her phone number (which she obtained somehow) but I couldn't work up the courage to text her at all. I mean, _how weird is it _to have someone you barely know _have your number _and even more, _text you? _I can't risk making myself fall into the _stalker fan _category. Usually at the beginning of a vacation, I would make a list of what I want to do, but in the end, hardly actually accomplish any of it. My friends were all home-bound or with strict parents. Many of them were going overseas for a holiday, which made me just a tiny bit jealous, considering since my parents are too busy working to give a damn about me. So I'm home alone, it is a desert outside, the floor is hot, the wind is hot, my laptop is hot, the television is hot, heck- even the fridge is hot.

I'm here in an oven, left to bake and drown myself in self-pity whilst the earth has other plans about giving rain to all the cooking people in Japan.

I sigh.

I glanced toward the calendar. It had already been three days since the vacation began and I haven't done anything worth mentioning- besides flip open my summer vacation home-work, groan, shut the book and take a long, stress-relieving nap. I checked my phone. No messages. Not surprising since all my friends had gone on holidays with their families, even Miki, who I could depend on to be free 24/7 had plans this time. Though she offered me to watch her play basketball, I declined as it was way too hot to be inside, let alone, outside in the sweltering heat running around with sweat rolling off your skin. I went through my contacts and stopped at one. [[Megurine. Luka.]] [[Number: XXXXX]] [[Group: Wanted ]]

[[Text or Call?]]

Reluctantly, I selected [[Text]]

[[Text Selected]]

I stared at the digital keyboard. _How do you even send text messages to someone you don't know? _Well, you don't really send messages to people you _don't know- unless you met online or something- but in either case, _I don't have the right to text her. I don't even know what to text her. Despite this, I still wrote.

{{ Hello, you probably don't know me but I think we met before. }}

My eyes bore holes in the screen. I sighed, irritated I shut my phone and rolled off the bed. My head hit the floor harshly, though now I was used to it. I grunt and sat myself up. It was only one o'clock in the afternoon and I was bored out of my tree. I dragged myself to the warm fridge and took out the half-finished carton of milk. I chugged it down with one gulp and tossed the now-empty-carton into the bin.

For the next few hours I played video-games. Soon the television was emitting way too much heat for my comfort, so I switched it off to let it rest. Once again, I found myself checking my phone. The message was still there.

[[Delete message?]]

I couldn't bring myself to delete it.

[[Message saved as draft.]]

Time to go old-school. I returned to my room and went into the closets as I knew I had a box of really old belongings in there. Sure enough, I found my gameboy, fortunately- still in tack and with a working charger. I started up Pokemon Fire-Red and noticed how little I'd actually played this game. I only defeated the first two gym leaders (Brock and Misty). Luckily, I started with Charmander, which was good, because I like Charmander. I browsed through the team. Raticate, Gyarados, Fearow, Oddish, Pikachu. I decided it would be best as the third gym leader specialised in electric pokemon, to replace Gyarados and Fearow with Diglett and Abra. I also wanted to replace Oddish with Ekans or Mankey, as long as they had more effect on his pokemon than Oddish. Unknowingly, time had flied and by the time I looked outside again the sun was already sinking.

I wasted another day.

Parents and friends always tell you to _go for it. _But how many times in our lives do we really, "go for it"? We all feel tied down, tired, full of responsibilities, morals and beliefs that stop us from going after what our heart desires. I could very well walk up to her and strike up a conversation, but the thing is, I _don't know how to. _I scarcely know her.

I heard a loud banging on the door. I popped my head out from the window and saw a tanned, heavily perspiring Miki. She noticed me and waved, "Hey! I finished basketball, mind if I come in?"

I just shrugged and picked up my gameboy, trailed down stairs and opened the door for her. The two of us made way back to my bedroom. She set down her heavy looking duffle bag and sat cross-legged on my floor whilst I took a comfortable seat on my spongy bed.

"What did you do today?" She asked as she patted her sticky neck with a clean white towel.

"I defeated four gym leaders."

"Pokemon all of a sudden?"

"Television had other plans."

She just laughed. "Hey, apparently Luka went to the beach today."

Miki was spraying deodorant, I coughed and covered my nose to block the suffocating scent. She grinned apologetically and stripped off her sweaty p.e. top. She ruffled her hair, almost like the way guys do just for the sake of it.

"How do you know?"

Miki gave me a hurt look. "Are you doubting me?"

I nodded.

She frowned but smiled quickly after. "Gumi, my home-stay actually knows her. They're good friends too. She went with Luka to the beach today."

"What!?" I snap irritated, "Couldn't you have told me that beforehand?"

"Yea, sorry 'bout that." She lowered her head a little when I threw her a chilly glare. Instead, she loosely tied her hair up with the hairband around her wrist. She fanned herself and jerked her clammy singlet to allow more air into it. "But man, I thought those Taiwan girls were just kidding when they said they did basketball." She commented and mimicked one of their skilled shots. "They had annoying voices but they could shoot real well. I should probably hang out with them more."

I looked at her. "You mean those grade 11's?"

She nodded enthusiastically, "Hell yeah. They're midgets but they're like lightning." Miki was busy reaching into her bag to grab out a half empty water bottle. She gulped down the last half of water and stretched her arms. "But man, it feels nice to go all out once in a while."

I've seen those year 11's around before, not that I have spoken to them. I know that some of them know Luka and they hang out often. Miki glanced my direction and frowned.

"Miku, you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

She rose a brow. "You look sick."

I shrugged again and let my attention return on the old gameboy game I was playing. I wanted to level up my Kadabra before I run into Blue again. He pissed me off. He got all the pokemon I _wanted _and I feel like a copy-cat if I just capture similar pokemon to him. Miki saw my disinterest and said softly. "Luka's boyfriend was also there."

I scoffed. "You don't need to tell me that."

I saw her flinch and felt slightly guilty for it. But I was too angry and confused to care about her feelings at the moment.

"Here."

Miki passed me her phone. I looked at it. A picture of Luka.

"Want me to send it to you?" She wiggled her brows suggestively and grinned the way she does.

"Fine." I grumble quietly, still not recovering from the _boyfriend-blow. _

She just laughed and nudged me lightly. We argued a bit then settled down and chatted for a few more hours until Miki complained about her sides.

"It really hurts." Miki said wincing when the consequences of not slapping on sunscreen hit her later that night. I just gave her a "you deserved it" look and she stuck her tongue out. She went into the bathroom and I heard the shower go off. I was already very tired from not doing anything in three days. Our dinner, take-away pizza, the empty pizza-delivery container was left on the floor, two opened bottles of soft-drinks and a couple of packets of chips and cookies.

I sighed for the umpteenth time today and lay on my stomach.

I checked my phone and the "saved draft" message.

It can't get worse.

[[ Send message ? ]]

[[ Message sent. ]]

{{Hi,

you are dazzling and I can't help but to like you. So please forgive me. }}

A/N:

Hey, it has been ages. The main reason I haven't been updating is because I'm on AFF writing SNSD fics. If you're wondering it's mainly TaengSic, TaeNy, (Future YoonYul, HyoSun, SunYeon and JeTi ) I hate leaving things unfinished, so I'll try complete this fic (or maybe shorten it). Thank you for the read!


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